Does my bum look big in this?
PAUSE. Woah. What. The. Fuck. This is a defining moment in any relationship. But you have to be quick. Any hesitation, no matter what you say, boy you dead.
In reality you have two choices; life or death. Its obvious that your partner will be getting plump due to the bun she’s baking, but you still want to reassure her that she is as beautiful as ever. For the first few months its best to play it safe and deny, deny, deny. But there’s only so much denying you can do before her response goes from being “aww thanks” to “why can’t you just be fucking honest”.
This is a catch-22 moment (google if necessary).
She can see herself that her clothes are busting at the seams and oversized shirts become crop-tops. So how do you get yourself out of this hell hole? I like to think of myself as a Chandler Bing when in stressful situations and try to make a poorly timed joke to nothing but the sounds of crickets. I took my shot and God blessed me with a miracle response…
“How can you be so beautiful, and so fat at the same time?”
Silence. And then wouldn’t you know it, she laughed. Holy sweet little baby Jesus, something saved my ass. Humour. That was the paddle I was thrown when I was up shit creek.
PLEASE NOTE: Do Not Try At Home.
Hormonally, she is riding one hell of a rollercoaster without a seatbelt so tread lightly with what jokes you want to crack, especially the timing. As time passes she will begin to be less worried about HER appearance and more about the miracle she’s making. To those men who have survived this line of questioning – fair play. To those that haven’t yet – Good luck!