How to stay alive long enough to see the birth of your child
In the animal kingdom there is a shitload of incredible and astounding paths of life that some creatures travel down, some not so different to those of humans. For instance, a cow has the same gestation period as us human beings. Interesting. Also, the female Chinese Mantis eats its mate just after coitus, which is also how it feels to be us men sometimes. Doesn’t sound like such a bad way to go compared to some of ‘those’ days that you will experience with having a pregnant girlfriend/wife. I’d really like to stick around to see the birth of my daughter, and for that to happen and not get mauled to death, I have listed a few pointers which I am willing to share to save those in need.
Marco’s Survival Tips:
Tip 1: stock the God damn fridge
If your better half is feeling peckish and you don’t have anything for her to eat, your head is sure gonna start looking tasty to her. Whatever her craving may be, there is nothing wrong with buying 5 boxes of cheese dippers. Last week when I was queuing up at the supermarket with my basket full of these incredibly delectable goods, a middle aged man noticed my stash and gave me the ‘nod’. He knew exactly what I was going through.
Tip 2: beauty is the key
For us men, pregnancy isn’t that much of a strain on our bodies. We may feel like we are eating for two also, but that’s just us being greedy bastards. For the female in question, her body is changing DRASTICALLY. Self-confidence is at an all-time low and her clothes begin to shorten and fit just that tiny bit tighter. Three words my good men; You look beautiful. This doesn’t seem like a lot to us, but to them it can turn their whole day around.
Tip 3: Yes man
Pregnancy doesn’t only change the woman physically, but it tends to dissolve some of their brains and fuse also. With this being said, your wife may have the tendency to forget a few trivial/vital things during this course, and its all your fault. It is your duty to agree to do almost anything and everything that is presented to you and to also take the lead with as many things as you can. Lighten her load, because she’s carrying yours.
If there are any guys out there who also want to share some life saving tips leave a comment. We are in this together.